Recently I have thinking about how many of us me included have or have had a really hard time during our lives trying to differentiate who we are compared to who we are suppose to be. It’s one of the those internal struggles that one can often get lost in and even defeated by. When I was younger I really struggled with: Who was I suppose to be? What was suppose to do? How am I suppose to act? Even, How am I suppose to look? Really, who decides these things? We do!
I have to realize after I got older that it was not anyone else’s opinion about who I suppose to be or even who I was it was mine. In getting to the who we are suppose to be we first must examine who we are and understand that it in order to get to who we are “meant to be” is a growth process. Understanding who we are as individuals is how we develop into our destined selves. Truth is the entire concept of “who are you suppose to be” is nothing more that a distraction.
Most of the time if we are trying to do what we think or what someone else told us we were suppose to do we are just on a mission to please someone else family, partners, teachers, spiritual leaders, or even God. I got to the point where I believed that I was suppose to be what other’s wanted me to be and my own innate skills and interest were wrong. Once I got older and started to embark on a journey where I worked and developed my skills, interest, and gifts I realized that I wasn’t meant to be what other’s wanted me to be. I was meant to be what God had created me to be (why do you think he gave us those gifts). But what was really important, I realized that it was truly all about the journey.
During that journey of chasing all of the wrong outlets, people, and careers was how I realized that I was already “who” I was suppose to be and “where” I suppose to be. So though I may not always enjoy the journey I understand it has allowed embrace that who I was “meant” to be was always in me the entire time.
Enjoy the journey,
Often I come across certain messages on Instagram or Tumblr that really stick with me. This one particularly stuck with me personally because it a subject that I had struggled with for years after I graduated from college. I was too busy try to do what I thought was right than to really sit down and listen to my own inner voice and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. It took me a number of unnecessary struggles and unhappy years to begin to live the life that I wanted, enter the career field that fit me and began to breath knowing that at the end of the day that my spirit is the one that needed to be satisfied. However, recently I have noticed that I am doing the same thing in my dating life. I have been dating a guy over the last few months that really has no idea of who I really am and I had no idea why I am perpetrating this fraud. Somehow I allowed him to draw his own conclusion of who I was and let him just roll with that. Now I am fully aware that this has the tendency to turn into an absolute disaster because I have realized that the me that he thinks that I am is nothing more than a watered down version of my true self. I have not had this problem since my younger years. Even then I realized very early on that the individual I was dating wasn’t fully equipped to deal with certain aspects of me or I was conscious that I was trying to be something that I wasn’t because thats what I thought he wanted. But this time was very different, at this point in my life I am very aware of who I am as a women and what I have to offer in a relationship. So when I first realized what I was doing I was confused about why I was doing it. After a lot of thought I realized that I was slipping back into my post college years of being what I thought I was supposed to be.
See when your single over 30 people feel the need to tell you all of the qualities about yourself that you have that doesn’t make you “wifey material”. So I remained quiet and let him draw his own conclusions about me, and not because I feel like he wouldn’t like the real me because it may just make him a little more comfortable to know that I am not on the pedestal that he put me on. I just me! Now please don’t get me wrong as a woman I do want to be viewed a certain way by the man I am dating but I mainly want to be involved long term with a man that I comfortable being myself around and still be treated accordingly. I’m not saying that I am not willing to listen to solid dating advice but the whole theory of what types of women get married and what types don’t just based on their personality and not on reputation of lack of self-respect are not flying with me anymore. When it comes down to pretending to be something that I am not. This is not to say that I do not have somethings that I need to work on but I am human and no one that I date will be perfect either. However, the lesson that I learned is to live for myself and allow myself to be me. Changing just to be in relationship not being true to who you are and it is not fair to the other person. Now the guy I’m seeing is really cool but I don’t think that we can even become serious at this point because for the last few months he has been dating someone that I don’t even know and she looks just like me, so how do I establish trust like that?